these boys in my head
vying for attention
fighting
and pulling me
this way and that
these boys,
one (maybe more than)
who was meant to be
one who was
for the time being
one who
knew all along
and one…
Sending poetry to the world
these boys in my head
vying for attention
fighting
and pulling me
this way and that
these boys,
one (maybe more than)
who was meant to be
one who was
for the time being
one who
knew all along
and one…
From my great-grandmother’s book of poetry, Where Children Live (1958)
Wide Rivers
A small boy has no use for gentle rains —
He watches with a weathered eye and mutters
For rains that come in torrents, flood the mains,
Overflowing streets and leaf-strewn gutters.
He sees wide rivers, far as eye can measure,
And, in storm-tossed debris, boats filled with treasure.
and so it ends
lightning in the distance
we all have brief moments of
white hot
sand into glass
prism light – these choices
we all are in danger
of ending a
flicker in a sky
between clouds shyly
aware that some
won’t ever hear us
thundering.
the woman with silk black hair
changed her name to fit in —
i know nothing else other than
she holds her wine close like
smooth red silk
and drinking slowly,
promises she now fits in.
poetry stalks leggy
head up, blushing,
turns around and slams the door–
“we” laughed for hours
at the haughty exit scene.
glimpes of streams
and teases of
jagged peaks behind
scarves – lace silk –
clouds, some
more like a corset.
the road curves ahead…
on either side
obscured mountain impressions
spruce – dark green tall thin –
and rain.
[written in 2003 within a sketch that i can’t reproduce here…]
I drain your thoughts away,
and then there are the glances and that subtle
flutter when you approach.
We crawl the night thirsty.
Desire between the damned is
my need to hurt you,
bite scratch claw you bloody.
And your need to lash out
those few nihilistic times we speak.
We know nothing of the other beyond these walls.
But then
in the haze of smoke that hangs down from the ceiling
like electrical wires
and loose panels under construction,
in the only light of green beer bottles and neon signs,
and empty sticky shot cups,
and those not amused by life anymore,
and the ragged dying breath of slow drunken dances,
and good girls sliding down poles,
and bad girls hiding in the bathroom,
and big muscled men and shaved heads singing Godsmack,
in the last hour,
When our eyes have adjusted,
you kiss me goodbye.
Panic before the world turns bright.
The frantic cramping fear that we have wasted it all.
We are thirsty gluttons for punishment.
the day I decide
to dress
all black
head to toe black
one gold necklace hanging
bright
is the day that I watch
(beer in hand)
a group of people carrying
a cross
chanting “God is great”
chanting, marching
and these people
go on and on and on–
they span blocks
I stare from the doorway
a black silhouette and
my black cat
listlessly watches through
her small window.
hey hon, hows bout a dance?
we could hold hands
and foxtrot.
hey hon, hows bout a kiss?
lean in close before ya
say goodnight.
before ya close the door to my
Mustang, turn quick,
and wave.
before the weekend winds away
back to steel and rust,
and dirt.
say you,
when rain bleeds
heavy
on window panes,
hear your parents
praying:
maybe next life
we’ll do it
better
maybe next go round
we’ll solve
puzzles
before untouched
we’ll conquer demons
yet to be
vanquished
we’ll reconcile these
self-hatreds
into a lasting peace
the sort that
when rain falls
will now sing us to
sleep.
[rip ryan]